A sea change

Too long,I know, I hate this too. It’s been four months now since I’ve written anything on this blog. Is this blog dead? many have asked, I’ve even thought.But I don’t want it to die, I wanted just to keep writing, regardless of not being home. And I still want to write about my adventures in philosophical and practical life, the last days in talks with her and so on and so forth but sometimes it’s just so hard to get yourself going…

And it has been real hard. When I first got to this college, I was beaming with happiness, freshness, addicted to the hostel life. Now, I’m getting lethargic, used up, and have been pretty much depressed since the past few days.

Sometimes things happen in your life that make you feel so unfortunate.

There have been so many things on this odyssey of life that I am thankful for. And then there are millions that i have to regret to. But, even though the wind and currents have not been perfect, I can’t complain and have to take it one mile at a time. I got hurt, then I got sick, then I got jetlagged, then I had to run into this summer internship straight… and then I was lost, confused, unsure of what I was doing; then I had a plan, I got inspired, but then it rained, it remained cold, damp, grey. I never lifted and now I’m back in the pattern of work. It’s all finished and what can come is just hope, more dreams and plans.

Currently what rejuvenates me is the idea of being an Intelligence officer in the Central Intelligence Bureau. Tough exam, tough interview, I know but its all again worth the pain and i have been gaining up enough motivation for the same.

Off my mind

At times we become much oblivious to our own thoughts and then we try to ignore them until one day we feel perplexed as to what we were doing. We then realize that we have had thoughts we were unaware of. Reality slaps us in the face and confesses all our surreptitious thoughts. May be its just me, or maybe it happens to each and everyone. We know that one day it would be revealed and surprisingly, we still hold on to them.

Keeping secrets can be an interesting thing especially when we hide our feelings from someone else. But eventually it just bursts out at the perfect timing and we see that it’s exactly what the other person needed. Although we had kept it secretly to ourselves, we find that they were longing to hear it. And perhaps they were oblivious to their longing to hear it! And then again, the very second the words escape our mouth new thoughts develop. It’s just like a cycle of thoughts coming inside and outside the grey matter.

A colourless perspective..

I’ll never forget the day I found out that I was color blind.I was in for the final admissions at Armed Forces Medical College admissions and was asked to have a series of medical tests that normally each college would have taken.Everything was going great until i was asked to read the number out of a jumble of dots on a book. The first one I saw just fine, but most of the others were either incredibly difficult to make out or I couldn’t decipher them at all. It was the Ishihara test for color blindness.And as luck would have it, I was the only one in the entire batch that was having such an issue with the pictures. Everyone else could just rattle off these numbers, but to me most were just a collection of dots and nothing else.I could just look at them and say WTF..!!

This was the day where I had to start answering these questions every time it came out that I had this hereditary condition: “Can you see green?” “Can you see red?” “What color is this?” It is simply amazing how misunderstood this condition is. I also don’t think people realize how much this misunderstanding can affect people.

So,hereby i try to explain what really is color blindness..

Color blindness is an inherited condition most common in men ( 8-12 percent of white men, and less than one half of one percent in women). The basic definition of color blindness comes in three basic flavors. There is the very rare condition of total color blindness, where a person sees their world in shades of black, white, and gray. Blue-yellow color blindness is also quite rare, and as the name implies, these people struggle with colors in shades of blue and yellow. The last classification is red-green color blindness. This is, by far the most common version of the condition. Individuals with this last aspect have issues with shades of red and green.

In my case, I am red-green color blind. The first thing people do when they hear this is immediately point to something red or something green and ask if I can tell what color it is. The short answer to that is, yes I can see green and I can see red. The label color blind is something of a misnomer. Really the condition should really be labeled as having a color deficiency and not blindness to color altogether. Much like other traits you have such as your finger prints, color blindness is unique to the person. My issues really only flare up on two occasions. In really low light some greens for me will turn grey or black (no not stoplights at night, it’s more subtle than that). Secondly, if two shades of green are close together and are very similar, they may blend together or create a bit of a grey shift too. It is hard to describe, but that’s what happens for me.

My own version of color blindness is unique to me. Someone else, who is also classified as red-green, might have a different sensitivity or other colors that cause issues. This is because it all depends on what the eyes are deficient in. There are three different types of cones in the eye that decide how it picks up colors. Now color blindness results when one of these cones are missing, or is simply not working properly.

One of the unfortunate consequences of this condition is that some people, who would otherwise be qualified to do so, are disqualified from holding certain jobs because they are being labeled as color blind.

And so,here i am doing an mba whereby i cud have been an army doctor or a cosmologist by now..!!

GooD ByE Kotlerji..

In a way I am very happy today.Tomorrow is the last marketing exam of my whole life.In the second year of PGDM I'll be taking finance & so will get freedom from this dumb subject.

So,why I hate marketing subject??

Simply because,it has nothing of logic,every tom,dick or harry makes up a new model,or a 'new marketing techique' which even a common man can say less the jargons.Who doesn't know that any rationale customer wants to recieve the most of what he can after paying a dime out of his pockets.Explain to any Indian housewife the theories/models made by any marketing guru (again less the jargons),they'll laugh at you saying there's nothing new in it.

Marketing is just common sense which the morons make a 'jargonified' subject so that other morons can mug it up.And even when it is taught by an even morose teacher who has some of the aforesaid gurus(morons) as her marketing infatuations.A person who just can't think by herself,how would she teach marketing??

And Case Studies,yes they do happen now and then.You get into the intricacies of the case,wake up long at night,assume different situations,and then finally come up with a perfect decision only to find that your decision was wrong cuz it didn't meet the norms of Mr.Kotler or perhaps Mr.Ferrel.Why man?? Are kotler/ferrel the only intelligent guys and we all (the teacher included) idiots??


So,the problem is not marketing.May be marketing should not even be taught.It is just a practical way how to reach to your customer and no matter how.What matters is how satisfied your consumer is.Today Mack Zuckerberg is the Ceo of facebook and his marketing plans are abuzz all over but i don't think he refers Kotler everytime for decisions.May be he didn't ever study marketing at all.

Again,as they say Insurance is all just about Statistics and Marketing.But I don't think my marketing head would hand me a Kotler and say "Saurabh,read the flanking strategy and help us in this problem"..

Would he??

An year has come to an end..

So, 2010 is upto a close.
This year can be seen as another important milestone in my life,this year is the one that taught too much to me.

the others being 1987,2000,2003,2005,2006 and 2007

So,where do I start ??

Hmm, Ok, Let me start with what Iam now a first year student at the National Insurance Academy School of Management,Pune.Insurance I know wasn't my job, but man,i got used to it.

This was also the year I completed my graduation,memorable in anyone’s career isn’t it.

2010 was a year I understood myself fully. I have realized my strengths and weaknesses and now I know what I really want to achieve in my life.

This was a year where I had set on a journey to b-schools,got calls from vaious renowned colleges and studying in one such. But after my experiences since joining NIASoM, I now know, something really good is waiting for me just round the corner.

And most of all,this been a year when I fell in love,true love.What started as a mere timepass crush overcome my ego and became my worst weakness.Man,she's still on my mind but i know,i am not at hers.And may be the feeling of my love towards her has turned into agony,may be i just despise her but still,I do respect love.Whatever be,they say time heals every wound,lets see.

And yes,i got to make new friends,though not as congenial as my graduation friends-akeev,abhishek,jack,anurag to name a few.Again its just been 5 months into niasom and things will change.


Other mundane things I did this year-




1. Started loving Physics once again.
2. filled up the form of MPPSC and onto fill UPSC with the same zeal and vigour i had during PMTs.
3. Got the "who the hell cares" attitude.
4. Visited major cities of India for the first time in my life.
5. For the first time stayed in a hostel.

And many more..

So,2010 I am about to say you good bye,thanks for what you have been to me and what you taught to me.

Is it doomed to be this way????

Yesterday I was thinking ’bout a girl that was my first love. I was very much in love with her,she too,we were crazy about each other and most of all,best friends. But we don’t talk anymore leave out the prospect of remaining friends. We broke up much ago and after that we’ve both moved on.

But I was just wondering, is it possible to have loved/been in love with someone you’re better off without? Does that make any sense? My life is less stressful now and I feel like I have so much more freedom without jealousy of a girlfriend in the way. But then again, isn’t the person you’re in love with supposed to make life better for you?

It just sounds like an oxymoron to me. But it makes sense from experience, you know? So my question is, does it make sense to have honest love for someone that you realize you’re better off without?

I have failed???

Rule me no more
I control my mind
I will not give myself to you again
Weakness is pain
Your strength is twisting me
I've never felt so helpless and alone

I have failed

Nowhere to turn
There's growth in pain I feel it
I pray to God it's not too late for me
Hard to believe on man could lose to such
All that I've lost can never be conceived

I have failed